Two months with Two✌🏼

I’m sat in playgroup thinking a number of things. Firstly how quickly time is zooming by and how being a four-part gang is no longer ‘new’ and is beginning to feel normal. Our actual life and daily routine is far from normal, but the ‘fun’ of juggling two kids is becoming a regular part of life. The next thing on my mind is, what the fudge is life? Sitting in a stinky church hall, watching kids swarm the floors like crawling ants; shouting, moaning, testing their parents’ patience in any way they possible can and generally being annoying. So I surround myself with toddler knobheads for the sake of an hour and a half of peace - and to eradicate my mum guilt which is inevitable. I feel guilty on Amelie for holding the baby through a nap, and definitely guilty on the baby for putting her down and undoubtedly causing her nap to be over within no longer than ten minutes. (She’s a leech and likes to be held) the last thing I think of is all the shit I haven’t done and probably will never get around to doing, so I start mentally creating a list of priorities. These include dressing my child(ren), changing their nappies and feeding them. Followed by entertaining them, then come the actually jobs around the house. These are what I struggle with. Do I do laundry and put it away? Or chuck it all in the washer and dryer then decorate the conservatory floor with items of my family’s clothing, which would give me time to unload the dishwasher that hasn’t been unloaded in 2 days. Or maybe 3. I’ve lost track. Bottles are a priority and those 7 million part bad boys are a beast to clean and require utmost care to both take apart and reassemble! As well as clean and sterilise.

Usually I sack it all off and opt to play with Amelie. No one ever sits on their death bed wishing they’d cleaned more! Playing is our bond and time goes by oh so fast, I never want to look back and wish I’d played more. That I say is the number one hardest thing of newly mumming for two. Having to ration play times and frequently say ‘no’ or ‘later’ to Amelie for all the time she asks for something whilst I’m tied up with Olivia! It’s easy to say they can get involved by getting wipes and nappies, but when your toddler is trying to take the play doh lid off while you’re feeding your baby, or they’re thirsty and their drink has run out, or perhaps they’ve hurt themselves and just want a long ass cuddle until they feel better and you have to choose between feeding your baby or pleasing your toddler, it’s inevitable the toddler will be put on hold so to speak. It absolutely breaks my heart. The little bit of reassurance I got that Amelie doesn’t resent the new arrival was when we offered to take her on a her-only day to paw patrol live and she was seriously distressed when we told her that her sister would be staying home with Nana and Papa. She absolutely did not accept that and couldn’t imagine living this exciting experience without her baby sis by her side and repeatedly across several days expressed her absolute concern and determined opinion that she is most definitely going WITH her sister. So she embraces her. And that thought makes my heart whole, after every time it breaks when I have to tell her no to playing. 

So what’s been my saving grace ? Play groups, baby wraps and friends. Friends that hold your baby enjoy doing so, as much as you enjoy the break. Going places is tricky at first until you get into a routine and habit, so having friends on hand to just hold the baby, or help you tidy up your bag, or even keep a watchful eye on your toddler while you make up a feed, or change a nappy etc is unbelievable help and some nights I have sat in the shower overwhelmed with everything but crying out of happiness and being grateful for the amazing mummy friends I have who have made taking both children out so much easier. Baby groups are like the only way poor Olivia gets her nap in the morning. Amelie is too o is at home but when there are 30+ kids making a racket it just becomes a background noise that she happily sleeps through. I will forever be grateful to the group leaders who give up their time to put them on and I flipping hope they know that they are the difference between going insane (literally borderline depression) and feeling like you CAN handle it. Over the summer I struggled so so much and could not wait for the groups to return in September. Finally, the wrap. Oh my good god - put your clingy baby in one of those ‘Earth Mama’ baby wrap slings and you are literally flying. Hands free to tidy up, to change your toddlers nappy and all sorts - all the while your baby is putty in your hands and happy as anything! 

And.... preschool! Coming in at a whopping (minute) £13 it’s a no brainer. Who wouldn’t ? Poor Amelie has been shipped off to preschool three days a week but she absolutely loves it! Didn’t even have a trial as she just got stuck in. I fear it’s because she was aware it was scream free time, she jumped for joy and just loved preschool from the word go. If only I could have three hours break off baby duty a day! 

Not a great deal of funny just yet - unless looking like shit and feeling like a genuine zombie is funny to anyone. We’re back to those good old days. That and I genuinely have stark opposite children. Amelie was like a poo monster and this baby is so constipated I have been literally having to grab onto her poo and pull it out (thankfully with a wet wipe) just to help her empty her bowels. Lord help me, I’ve legit lost all dignity. 

Jabs were heartbreaking but overshadowed by Amelie. She thought she was having them and decided as we opened the door to go in, that she would dash across the entire doctors surgery and hide under a chair... so I dragged my stupid backpack, milk bottle hanging from my mouth to free up a hand with which to (literally) drag my child out from under the furniture and into the office. Poor Olivia was stressed out before we even went in let alone when the needles came out. The kid was already screaming (it was way past nap time and we’d been waiting 30 mins past our appointment) so the poor thing just was a crying mess for the best part of 20 minutes. Then she got a little sleepy and bossed the jabs like a pro.

With joe traveling for work frequently again it has been hard to say the least. But for the first time I feel like I am bonding not only with each of my children 1:1, but as a trio and them beginning to bond and interact makes any hardship around parenting beyond worth it!