Surviving the Initial Storm of Motherhood.

I'm obviously the tree.

I made it! I've been brushing my hair and (more importantly) my teeth daily, I can finally tell the difference between my legs and Joe's after a serious shaving act I can only compare to deforestation and I've been sleeping! So, contrary to my earlier thought of 'what the f have I got myself into' or 'this baby will never stfu' I now love being a mum. Well at least I did until the end of month 4. And now we're into the 5th month, not so much. But have I learnt anything from the storm that battered my life during the first 12 weeks? Of course. I've learnt that it's just a phase. Seriously. This is my mantra, and in the toughest times it has gotten me through. I can forever keep wallowing in the fact that I've lost babies and bla bla, miracle baby and all that. That's not enough when she's screaming for the fourth time between 11pm and 3am. It certainly isn't enough when she's thrown up on my face coughed her baby sick in my mouth, and I can't say I'm a great fan of middle-of-the-night baths scouring a shit explosion off of an entire child whilst half asleep. (Me being half asleep, not her.) It's never them being tired to the point of exhaustion. On my 'one particular twilight bath session' Amelie thought it was hilarious and not only smiled ear to ear whilst cooing, she proceeded to create a tsunami and flood the [carpeted] landing! The kid's been a storm since day one, so I'd expect no different.

So aside from my super useful phase mantra, how have a come out being a wiser mum? No how. Haha. I mean I have gained something that's for sure; I haven't continuously called it the steepest learning curve of my life for no reason. I've learnt to be resilient and not give in, or doubt myself. But I've also gained a fair few physical skills. I now can balance a bottle (whilst feeding) with my cheek/chin. I have certainly gained biceps?triceps? No idea of which muscle is which one but my arms are hench to say the least. I didn't necessarily want muscular arms, but I guess that's the result of having a child that won't tolerate being put down for like 15 weeks. It's ok, she's been considerate enough to allow me to exercise my legs too, because by the end of the month 4, we are at the stage of not only not being able to be put down, I can't even sit down with her when it's sleeping time. It's now a case of chart music (weird baby, not a fan of lullabies) and rocking out [walking a weird bouncy walk] around the living room. Sometimes it can take 5 minutes, other times 25! So with around 4 naps and a 'night night' sleep that's potential for 'maths I can't do' amount of minutes - probably hours of exercise! So I'm toning up. I must add that it's this month I started feeling an improvement 'down there' so maybe exercise really does stimulate the healing process. Most people would laugh if they found out a 5lb 12 baby (that's tiny I've come to learn) obliterated my va-jay with her arrival!

I've also acquired some insane driving skills. I can now mostly drive one handed. I learnt this skill one occasion when I had encountered the silliest amount of traffic upon all routes which made my 20 minute journey last a couple of minutes shy of 3 hours and Amelie was (quite understandably) roaring for milk. So I fed her, and drove. I surprised myself.

I learnt that Joe loves me unconditionally. Despite having the d-word thrown around nearly daily at one point, he still continued to kiss me good morning and good night, make me dinner, take over Amelie when I asked and generally do everything I asked - and put up with my consolation shopping habit! The arguments like over the silliest things have been multiple daily ones, but he still carries on and tells me he understands how hard it can be. So yeah despite it recently feeling rocky, I've learnt my marriage is actually rock-solid. (I hope I don't end up getting divorced next month because I've jinxed myself now).

I have most definitely gained a hatred and lyrical awareness of most of the programs on 'BabyTv' I know where the fuck 'grandpa hides', I am pretty certain I can identify who each animal house 'belongs to' and my god I'm shit hot on my numbers 1-10. Amelie and I are counting machines! But the most important thing I've learnt from baby tv is that I can leave Amelie in front of it for about 10-15 minutes, in her bouncer or on her playmat and get on with being me! I can have a break and for that, BabyTv and Sky, channel 623, I adore you. I'll count all day from 1-10 with Charlie and his number friends if I am guaranteed 15 minutes every couple of hours. I'm lying, it's more like 15 minutes every hour until midday. By then, I've tidied up and sorted my life out and we venture out.

So they're the gains of month 4 which has been my favourite and easiest part of being a mum. Now we've reached the end of month 4 and start of month 5, what have I lost ? Sleep! The 4 month sleep regression is a joke! Although for us it hit near the end of 4 months! We went from sleeping 7-10 hours per night to like 3 before waking up. She didn't settle after night feeds and cooed or groaned for hours. She'd be up every hour for the first week of sleep regression, and I was averaging 1.5-3 hours sleep total per night. For about 2 weeks. So when my eyes burnt, I told myself it's just a phase. In fairness, as much as I hate it, it's super reassuring to know that she's doing what is expected developmentally and is on track. In terms of losses, I've also realised that I've lost my fungus-like attachment (baby) and she will now tolerate being put down for a nap occasionally. I find myself holding her through her naps just because I want to. (What the hell is wrong with me) I want her to grow, but I don't at the same time. It's odd. Motherhood itself is odd.

So I started this post by saying I made it and how great the lull between the first twelve weeks and 5 months was. Now, I'm currently in the eye of the storm yet again (although still keeping up with brushing my teeth and occasionally shaving too) but I've learnt just to stay calm because it'll pass. I'm not ever gunna be holding onto an 18 year old, rocking them to sleep, am I? Although I do fear my sleep will be disturbed at that age by drunken phone calls requesting lifts backs - ah! Maybe there'll be 'a phase' forever?

I'm currently in the process of phasing out my blog posts from being linked to my personal Facebook account with a view for me to solely use my new Facebook page dedicated to this blog in a couple of months. If you would like to continue with me on my journey of motherhood, please head over to my page here and give it a like to continue receiving post updates.  Alternatively, you can search 'Mumming Madness'

Thanks 😚😁