7 ways to survive solo-parenting while he travels for work

 If you're the other half of a traveling business man or any other person who travels for work, I'll raise my glass of bubbly or anything to you. This shit's hard. It's hard for any couple to spend weeks apart on a regular occasion on a yearly (and forever) basis but throw a baby into the picture and I've met my physical, emotional and sanity-level nemesis. I cry when the dreaded 'conversation' takes place. Every time I'm informed of a trip away I kind of switch off to the words that are coming out of joes mouth and get lost in my own head which is filling by the minute with worry and anxiety - and visions of screaming tantrums, poo and vom explosions; maybe a bit of piss too but that's become pretty commonplace these days. I think of the evening loneliness, the meals I eat alone, the telly I watch solo and the silence and lack of company that fills each evening. My childless self would indulge in copious amounts of booze and plan trips (on school nights) to visit friends and catch up - no, get drunk and love life. Maybe some evening exercise if I'm feeling adventurous. But I obviously can't do that now - nor do I really want to if I'm honest. I just want my husband to sit and have a meal with me and then sit next to me on his phone so I can moan at him for ignoring me. In the moment, that infuriates me (and half of the female population I'm sure) but during these weeks, I'd give anything just to sit next to my unsociable best bud! Heck id even throw him an iPad to join him and his phone!

So how do I survive it? I realised I have a few 'go-to' routine behaviours that keep cropping up whenever I'm having a silent breakdown in my head. Firstly, I think of how long I have left - then I evaluate my options! I'm kidding but being aware of time is important, so top tip number one is to PLAN AHEAD and set up a schedule of the week's activities.

1. Plan your week
It's obvious I try and keep busy and attempt to take my mind off of the fact that I will be single handedly changing every nappy for approximately 168 hours *cries at the thought* dealing with every aspect of care including feeding, bathing, dressing, changing to new outfits at every explosion or mess created on top of looking after myself whilst i
a) have a baby attached to me screaming if she's not
b) have a baby up to no good ie eating something not edible, getting stuck somewhere not 'fit-able' or falling over because at 11 months my kid still hasn't mastered crawling. Although I'm quite glad as I have no idea how I'd manage to go for even a wee if she was crawling let along a decent number 2! Once I practically had to beg my bum to stop going so I could take my tummy shuffling baby's hand out of the cats food bowl - so violating! So yeah, I have to manage all of that and although I'm close to tears, I don't want to come across like that to my daughter - I want to teach her that women are tough (because we are) so I can't crumble and wallow! Various visits to parks, zoos, family friends are all on the agenda and for me luckily I have pretty awesome buds who have all offered to meet up without me having to ask because they know how hard it is! I fully intend to dig out every membership I have stupidly signed up to and make use of it on my solo-parenting week.

2. Eat shit food
So in order to physically survive you need to eat! But chances are you will be so exhausted that cooking will be the lowest on your list of priorities. Cue ready meals, take aways, cakes, crisps (with dip), chocolate, biscuits pretty much everything that will make you feel better. I forgot ice cream, but I'm not a big fan of it really. Or if you're more health conscious than I am (I tend to be pretty healthy but I do let my guard down these weeks) just cook and freeze loads of meals. If you're brave, go out for one! With a friend or with your bub, sod it, it'll kill a few hours in the lonely evenings won't it?

3. Pick an evening project
It's the evenings that eat away at me and I can just about cope but how the hell do I tell a baby that doesn't really understand much, where her Daddy is? How do I explain that he'll be back, how do I tackle trying to understand or tackle her little emotions ? I don't. I just distract her. We quite often have messy play or soft play late afternoon sessions, but she expects her dad for dinner bath or bedtime and when he isn't there, I've planned to distract her with a project. Currently we are working a a VW camper van style car for her to sit in and play, plus take part in painting, gluing and decorating afterwards. (I attempted creating the ninky nonk as it has 3 sections but realised I was out of my mind, so we changed it)

4. Stay in touch
Joe's usually pretty good at this when its Europe, but with an 8 hour time difference, he'll be having to say good night to Amelie at 9am (his time) and probably never a good morning unless he wants to get up at midnight or worse - me subject our kid to a most likely drunk conversation. So no, we just say good night which will probably make bedtime super hard for us both but at least we stick to a schedule. We always agree on a must chat time and 'would be nice to chat' time and agree to text throughout the day. And if Joe doesn't stick to it, I'll be on a flight to meet him wherever he may be and that way Amelie and I can stay in touch with him. I'm joking; luckily he's usually pretty good!

5. Read
I'm partial to a good book and feel so guilty reading for hours in the evening when I should be sociable so business trips always mean I can get into a good book or two. It fills my evening and let's me escape isolation, but also makes me tired which is a bonus for me as I have serious anxiety when joes not around and can never sleep!

6. Binge watch tv
One of the hardest things about marriage is tv. There aren't many programmes we both like and I always give in and miss out on my programmes, so for my evenings riding solo, I make it my job to catch up on everything!

7. Reward yourself
Keep the end in sight and know when your break will come. Most importantly do not settle for just a normal day! Plan a bitch of a day as soon as the husb is back and able to be on baby duty and treat yourself! In my case one of my favs is coming for the weekend on this occasion and I absolutely CANNOT wait for dinner out with my girlies then a mani/pedi the next day! I'll be fair and share a little baby bit but one thing is for sure - I'm having at least an entire day off and I'm not doing bath or bed time. Joe might have been away working and be shattered - but I have been working round the clock without a break whilst he's been getting full nights sleeps. PLURAL. So my advice would be take what you're owed - and some!

So that's it! For the emotional times as cringy as it seems, a simple tshirt or cuddle on his pillow makes all the difference! That and I always have this weird thing where the last day we spend together I never want to end - so I take a good few pics that day and it kinda makes the moment last all week for me! Emosh stuff is weird but whatever works for you!

Ps have a bath, keep the heating on to your heart's content and don't worry about brushing your hair or looking nice because there's no one there to see it, it's not all that bad!